And To Jail You Go You Idiot

So you and the guys are going out tonight. You are going to party, get some drinks at the bar, and see if you can pick of any ladies. You jump in the shower, throw on some Axe body spray (again, this is for the ladies benefit) and splash on a little too much Polo (compare that to Mr. Coffey’s cologne habits). You throw on some sweat pants and a shirt and head out the door.

You swing by the bank, grab some extra cash because bottles are on you tonight, and you make sure you have protection. (This is in the form of a gun you dirty minds out there.) You get to the bar, you are drinking, having a good time, when all of a sudden your gun falls from your sweat pants holster. This is where in the movies the entire scene slows down and something that takes ten seconds takes two minutes. You realize your gun is on the way to the floor you reach down in a fit to protect those around you. I mean, you are one of the better players in the NFL after all. And you can not risk shooting someone on accident only because your sweat pants are a little too loose.

So as you reach down to grab the gun your hand slips in and pulls the trigger. Of course the club was too busy playing all those top 40 hits at a level that could cause long term hearing damage to hear what actually happened. So you look around to see if anyone saw you. Did you shoot someone? What happened? Oh yeah, you are bleeding. You just shot yourself.

So after shooting yourself you begin to bleed (try shooting yourself and see if there is no blood) by the bar. You begin to worry. No one even noticed that a gun went off, let alone care that you were bleeding because you just shot yourself. Your friends finally make their way to the bar for another Goose and tonic when they realize that you are actually seriously hurt.

So your friends and you decide that you are going to hire a private surgeon with the millions you make every year to catch a football. You check into the hospital with a fake name and think nothing more of getting yourself better. But you get caught. You get caught for shooting yourself in a public place. You get caught for checking into a hospital with a fake name. You get caught for hiring a private surgeon. You are caught.

The man I am talking about here is Plaxico Burres. This past Friday, November 28th, 2008 Plaxico shot himself. His injury, while not life threatening, is maybe the stupidest thing that this man could have done. He was carrying a gun in protection of his extra bank roll for bottle service and ended up throwing his career away. I mean, first off, who wears sweat pants to a bar? Second off, who shoots themselves in the leg and then tries to hide it? Is he really that ignorant?

This is just another example of how celebrities (who are paid way too much to do what they do) think they can get away with anything. He has lost all of his sponsorship money, all of his income from the N.Y Giants, and will spend a minimum of 3 years in prison. So enjoy that you idiot.