I love to play golf. Some of you might not know this but I have been playing competitive golf for quite some time. To save the boring three hour story, we will leave it (for those of you that know anything about golf) that I carry a 1 handicap and that I play any chance that I get. I actually practice more than I play, but you get the idea. I have not shot a score over 79 in the last two seasons and I am going to try to make it a turkey this season. But that is all besides the point.
The reason you are starring at the leading role in the 1980 (yeah, I couldn’t believe that it was that old either) hit movie Caddyshack. This was a film about a kid that wanted to go to college and was working as a caddy at a local course. He gets into the usual antics, causing stir and congestion all around him, and meets some interesting characters along the way. It was one of the first golf movies ever released and still to this day is one of the best. (Sorry Tin Cup, but they have you beat. Even though Kevin Costner did hit every single shot that the movie shows in real life. And before the movie began filming he had never swung a club. I must say that deserves the title for the most improved swing.)
But I was reading a list (yeah, I know, me and my lists) about the top ten golf hazards that you do not think about. Gophers, this being one of the most famous ones I know, was on that list. And I can see this being an actual threat but some of the others not so much. Like TV towers. How many times have you been playing golf and seen a TV tower? Are you on the PGA? Then maybe. Are you starring with Adam Sandler in another great golf movie, Happy Gilmore? Probably not. So no, a TV tower would not stand in your way.
Alligators was another one on the list that might be ab actual threat. If you are playing golf in the desert so are snakes, scorpions, and a cactus. But those were not on the list. But there are a lot of golf courses in the south where gators strive.
The only other item on the list that scares me is lightning. When you are on the course and there is a storm coming, you are basically a walking lighting rod with a metal stick that you keep waving around. Lee Trevino, a former PGA Tour star, has been struck by lighting numerous times. (If anyone can tell me the number of times, without using Google, I will give you a present.)
The tenth item on the list was just stupid. But apparently Hungry Hungry Hippos are a threat to golfers everywhere. I mean, sure, the list had some decent threats, but come on. That was an addictive board game (can you call it a board game) that I was addicted to years ago. And I would like to play it again. I have some fast moving wrists (and not in the way that you are thinking you perverts) and I can rock me some HHH. (Do I need to go into another marketing ploy here? Because I will.)
Just be forewarned everyone that is out there on the golf course. Not only do you have to keep your knees bent, your head straight, your torso down, your left arm straight, your grip relaxed, and your body to move with both momentum and grace, you need to worry about getting his by lighting, a gopher stealing your ball, an alligator eating your hand, and a hippo eating everything it can get is mouth around. Fore!