There is something to be said about a movie when the best thing about it is the narration. Even so, Morgan Freeman (why he agreed to do this is a mystery to me) seems to be droning on like a bored history teacher who doesn’t seem to care if we’re listening or not.
This is where Conan The Barbarian begins. Conan is literally born into the battlefield and fighting seems to be all he cares about, except for his father played by Ron Perlman. Perlman is only on screen for a short amount of time but he appears to be bored teaching his son how to become the ultimate warrior. His village, and his father, are destroyed by a deadly warrior by the name of Khalar Zim, who just wants the missing piece of a mask so he can resurrect his late wife and become all powerful.
Fast forward years later and Conan is now an adult, seeking revenge for his father’s death. As Conan, Jason Momoa has the body but his acting is atrocious. All of his dialogue seems forced and the chemistry he has with Tamara, played by Rachel Nichols, is nonexistent. There is one scene they have… it’s just awkward and badly choreographed.
In all reality, the only one who seems to be having any fun while also knowing how terrible the movie is, is Rose McGowan. As Marique, the daughter of Khalar Zim, she is over the top and looks like she belongs in the Star Wars universe.
In conclusion, Conan The Barbarian feels like it should be a cheesy mini-series for the sci-fi channel rather than a two-hour movie. The acting is bad, the dialogue is worse (you look like a harlot) and the editing is choppy. Save your money and if you must see it, wait until it’s on cable.
*This blog post was written by Kyle Brooks.