Anyone who has ever been in a relationship has faced this at one time or another: Where to do the breakup. If you have never had to go through this then I envy you. Whether you have only been dating for a few months or have been together for years, the breakup speech is always a tough one. With today’s modern technologies, it is much easier to end it with someone using tools like Facebook, Twitter, and text messaging. (Are you like me and only judge whether someone is dating someone else based on his or her Facebook relationship status?)
But more than likely this is going to happen to you. The United States alone has a divorce rate at over 50%. So for all those people who stood before God and made promises that they aren’t sure they can actually keep, half of them have been through this. But it doesn’t always have to be bad, right? They always say that one door closed is another door open.
So when this talk finally does happen, you want to make sure you are in a good location. Most couples out there, outside of the ones where the other is cheating on you, can tell by the warning signs when it comes to a break up. But if you cannot tell that you are about to become the hottest thing on the market, at least hope it can happen somewhere worth talking about.
I have come up with a list of the top five places you can hope that your lover breaks things off with you. Each one for a totally different reason but still allowing you some hope before the night’s out to get over it, if only for the time being.
This seems almost too easy. If your girl (since I am a guy we will keep the rest of this post simply by saying it this way) breaks up with you at home, you have nowhere to go. You don’t have to drive home upset, or to a bar to make even bigger mistakes; you can just lay in bed and sulk in your own misery. Chances are you already have a cold case of beer and some bottles of random alcohol lying around, so make a night of it. (I recommend drunk-tweeting.)
Any Local Bar
This is a dream come true for most of us. If you are out having a few drinks and your lady breaks things off, great. You are already here drinking and you can tell her to get lost and take a taxi home. As soon as the breaks up with you look at the bartender and ask for another. Tell him or her to keep them coming and have a night that you can afford to forget. At the end of the night, take a taxi home and forget about it until morning.
At Her House
This might sound a little harsh, but you can have some fun with this one. Depending on how bad the breakup is you can take it out on her things. If you are in the living room and she gives you the bad news, get up and pace around acting like the demon inside of you is about to come out. She will tell you to calm down and to relax, but you don’t have to. Give her an earful about how great you are and then start kicking, perhaps even throwing things. Don’t vandalize her house or break her TV or anything like that, but show her you care by tossing her candles on the floor and punching her wall. If nothing else you will feel better the next day knowing that your apartment is spotless. This only works if she lives alone. If she lives with roommates or her parents, then you might have some explaining to do. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want any pissed off father beating my door down to break my things. Chances are he will want to break more than your TV. You know how dads get.
This would be one of the worst places to get the bad news. Or the best. If you look at it from a negative point of view, you will be miserable until you either make up and get back together or you fall in love with someone else. Even if you do fall in love with someone else you have to see that person every single day. Chances are you will quit, she will quit, or you both will lose so much productivity on your work that you will be fired. There is some truth to the old adage that you should not date people that you work with.
What better way to leave a relationship than with wings and ice-cold beer? Plus, imagine what the scenery is like. If you are lucky enough to have your lady leave you at Hooters, you win. It truly is that simple. Once she dumps you, order some more wings. If she starts yelling, get another beer. Regardless of the way your relationship ended, you get some invaluable eye candy, a full belly, and buzz worth talking about. A man can only be so lucky.
I do not wish this on anyone. I hope that everyone can find someone that to fall in love and live happily ever after with. But for most of you, there will come a time where you are put in this dreaded situation. Lets just hope that you can manage to have it happen somewhere that benefits you in the end.